She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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