I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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