the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
