This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
