Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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