so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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