He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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