i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
