When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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