So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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