i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
