Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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