I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
