I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
