No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
