Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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