I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
