my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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