The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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