no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
