If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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