One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
