Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
