I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
