when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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