i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
