I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
