we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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