Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
