I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
