I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
