...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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