i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
