so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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