I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
