..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
