Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
