Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
