Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
