not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
