I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
