I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
