I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
