I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
