how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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