We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
