An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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