He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
