Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i will never coherently bang her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
