I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
