I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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