Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
