Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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