I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I understand Curling. That high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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