got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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