SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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