Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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