my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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