I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
